E66: Annemarie & Terry: Love, Resilience, and the Healing Power of Pickleball

Introducing Anne-Marie and Terry

Hi , I'm Shelly Maurer and I'm Cher Emrick . Welcome to Life .

Lessons from Pickleball where we engage with pickleball players from around the world about life on and off the court .

Thanks for joining us . Welcome to Life . Lessons from Pickleball everyone . Oh goodness . Today we are extra excited to welcome Anne-Marie Reese and Terry Kistner , two very dear friends of ours who are amazing pickleball players and who are also partners in life and on the court . Anne-marie , you bring such a powerful mix of heart , humor and purpose and energy to everything you do , from your early days in Oshkosh Wisconsin just love that name , oshkosh Wisconsin to your incredible work promoting STEM education and building community , especially for women .

you're a force of nature and whether it's laughing with your family , mentoring others or hitting the pickleball court . Your joy is really just contagious . And Tara , your story is just as inspiring . As the proud middle child of eight from Hays , Kansas , You've never shied away from hard work or helping others , whether it's building tech , mentoring the next generation or tiling a bathroom , you do it all with quiet , humility and strength , all while keeping your competitive fire alive , and everything from basketball and you guessed it pickleball .

But what we love most well besides just the two of you is the partnership that you two share . I mean , whether it's mixed doubles or real life , you two bring out the best in each other with humor , grace and grit , and one thing you both radiate is pride for your beautiful son , mitchell , who's out there directing the skies as an air traffic controller in Minneapolis . Thank you , mitchell , and we love how much you cheer him on , just like you cheer each other on .

Aw , so , so glad to have you guys here with us today . We love you . And let's just start with when did you guys first start playing pickleball and what was going on in your life at the time ?

First Steps into Pickleball

You go first . No , it's well , I think you should go first , because we were first introduced to it through his family .

actually , yes , so my oldest sister and her husband taught us and took us out on the court to play . Matter of fact , we met them in St George , utah , at one time and played there as well .

But we originally learned in his hometown of Hays , Kansas . That's where we learned . I mean , that's shocking .

It's been fun since that time . So this was right during COVID , the start of COVID fun since that time . So this was right during COVID , the start of COVID . So it gave us a great outlet to be outside and to still have some , you know , camaraderie and everything else , even though with you know , staying apart and everything else that was going on at that time .

And was it love at first sight when you guys started playing it ?

Oh , my gosh yes .

Can I just say so , bernie , his brother-in-law , you know , they were in their 70s and he wasn't really agile any longer and we were running around like fools on the court , you know , just everywhere and he's just going dink , dink , I mean , but we had a blast and we were addicted right away so he was a tennis coach and played tennis in high school .

So he , you know , he knew how to hit the high school . So he , you know , he knew how to hit the ball and things like that which you need for pickleball . So that was part of his MO for pickleball as well .

Yeah . Yeah , that's nice that he carried it from tennis to pickleball . A lot of people are doing that these days , so very cool . So you two have played mixed doubles a lot , and what's your secret to still being good friends with each other ?

OK , no , we really are . So we don't ever get too mad at each other . I think that's it . We understand that we're going to make mistakes and I make mistakes and he makes mistakes , and that's just part of it . It can be frustrating , no doubt , but we end up still having fun .

And I think part of it too , is pickleball isn't the only sport that we've played together . There has been volleyball and softball and just other things as well Cornhole , we love to play and things like that . So we know each other . We've been together since 1987 . So being together with somebody that long , you get to know their strengths and weaknesses , and we just let it go .

I am hearing something in the background . Is that somebody that wants to be introduced on the podcast ?

He is a very shy cat typically , so I'm shocked that he even came around .

Is that what we were hearing ? The meow yes , that's her cat . I was thinking , gosh , is that a peacock ? I mean , it wasn't sounding like a meow to me . I wouldn't . I love that . Well , if if you're , if your cat wants to be in this in the scene , they're welcome .

So I don't think that'll happen the contestants left . Okay , I do want to share that . I also took a lesson at Everest Park with Roger Belair , who you had interviewed , and started the Pickleball in the Prison System . Yeah , and that's one of the first lessons I took and I met some of my first Pickleball buddies there . So it was just I only went Terry did not join me and that's where I kind of first introduced to some great women .

Oh , and then you went to ETC Eastside Tennis Center and met more great women . Correct , that's right .

And guys too , and guys too , so have you guys ever had a match that tested your relationship ?

I wouldn't say relationship , it just tested us Well it's our communication , we believe it or not .

I think we are really bad on communication on the court which makes no sense , and I think we both agree with that .

Yes .

You know , we could definitely talk more and things along that line , which , if we would do that , I think we'd be a lot better .

Correct , definitely , and it's hard . I mean because I'm a talker , as you may know . It's weird that I don't talk on the court . You know , especially to him I normally don't . Every once in a while I'll say something , but typically , you know I'm not talking .

Yeah because she doesn't have a problem telling me what things are outside of Pickleball , so it's exciting .

I'm a very good backseat driver , so there's some stories .

She drives my car from another car , so we have stories along that line as well , yeah what would you say if there's anything that has actually enhanced your relationship , because you're playing pickleball together , is there ?

anything . I just think yeah , I just think spending the time together , you know , practicing together , playing together , doing something , something together . You know it's nice to have our separate stuff too , but doing something together . You know it's nice to have our separate stuff too , but doing something together and something physical like that together is a lot of fun . You know it's a challenge .

As you said before , I play basketball . I love to play basketball , but I don't get to do it with Anne-Marie . So this allows me the opportunity to be with her , you know , and just and that's part of it just being with her to do things . So pickleball that's a big part of why I like pickleball as well , because we had a . We had a real blast playing co-ed volleyball and co-ed softball . So this is a continuation of that . I'm not sure we would be as good now at our age compared to how we were when we were in our 30s . Pick's a cool thing you can play at any age .

So that's what I like about it too .

It's perfect . So do you guys have any unspoken rules when you play together ? What would you say are some of your unspoken rules ?

I don't think we have any unspoken rules .

Well , I can get really frustrated and angry at myself , and so and Emory definitely lets me know when that happens , and as I've gotten older that's definitely mellowed , I mean , when I was younger Emory has seen me do that on the basketball court .

Yes .

And so that kind of is an unspoken rule of just keep it calm , this is not life threatening or going to change life , so just realize that .

Yeah , even in a tournament , we're there really to have fun and to meet people , because I like that aspect of it a lot . Because , we've played in a tournament where we haven't won a single game A number of times . Yes , but we still signed up for another tournament .

It's like okay , let's do it again .

Let's do it again . So you know , that's not why we're doing it . We're not doing it to win , we're doing it to , you know , have that community to meet new people and to do something active and you happened to get a bronze medal , the last time .

Well , we did medal the last time . Well , we did . Congratulations on that . It's interesting , terry , that you mentioned you know . Remember that pickleball is not life-threatening , but you two have recently come through a life-threatening experience . Okay , shelly , do you have your tissues ? You

Breast Cancer Journey

had breast cancer .

Yes , anne-mar .

Yes , I was diagnosed in December and say again I was diagnosed in December and had my lumpectomy in January , had radiation in February through March and now I'm on a course of hormone blockers for five years . But it was okay . Dang it the pickleball community . I couldn't wait to tell people to be honest , first of all , just to educate and to let people know that I was going through this , and I didn't want people to forget about me . I was worried that , oh , she's got cancer , she can't play pickleball anymore . But that did not happen . It did not happen . It did not happen .

People were like , oh , ann Marie can you play , and Terry can you play ? It was so great to still be included . I just was worried I wouldn't be able to due to I wasn't feeling up to par , and it didn't matter . People kept on calling come on , ann Marie , come play . I'm like okay , and that helped so much . And then , being able to talk about it , people actually listened , whether they wanted to or not . I would just be having , you know , somebody there to listen to my story to you know , listen to .

I was struggling with and , um , I felt so fortunate , so fortunate , and you were such an incredible role model for us through all of it , the way you handled it with such grace and positivity and the way that you did talk about it so openly and share it with all of us . Yeah , that was amazing .

I played today . I met a new person today when I played and I tell everybody . I said I just want to let you know I had breast cancer . I hope you are getting your annual mammograms . I wasn't able to detect mine with you know , touch . I said it's so important , you know . So I always , as soon as I meet somebody , I am telling them you know , make sure you're getting your mammograms , make sure you're doing your self-examinations and you know , just stay on top of your health . So I feel very passionate about that now .

I'm so glad you are like an advocate for women's health , just like you're an advocate for women's education etc .

I was going to say I want to tell a great story about the support from the pickleball community . So we were on our way to the hospital to get her lump ectomy done and my sister-in-law was here , so she provided great support as well and we backed out of the garage , and as our garage door came down , the pickleball community got a big sign put together and you know private messages from each one of them and a great big .

we love you came down as we were backing out to see that that was the best thing . It was spectacular .

I mean it just lifted me up so much and when I needed it the most . I mean it was like perfect , here we're going off to the hospital . Having any kind of surgery is scary , and especially when it's cancer , and to have that pop down on the garage , it was like yay , oh , it was amazing . I still have it . It's still up in my house . I will say it did fall down one day and I was going to move it upstairs to a more discreet place but Tara said no , I kind of like it , let's leave it up there .

So we see it every day and it just still warms my heart , oh that's such a great story .

Great , it's amazing . You also , anne-marie , had quite an impression on the people there at the hospital and clinics where you went , that you were told even right , oh yes , what did they say to you ?

Well , I went every you know , especially radiation , because you have to go every day . So I had usually the same two guys , two gentlemen , that were helping me with the radiation and I made sure I bring , bring in a joke every day . I brought in a new joke for them and next thing , you know , they're like they're bringing a joke to tell us and will tell me . Terry wasn't with me and it was just so much fun . I really look forward to it . It was like , oh my gosh , I got to get a joke together before I go to radiation today and I really it was something for me to do and I think you know they tolerated it quite well . So it was a lot of fun .

And I will say the best story , my son came up with this idea . He goes mom , you should put a smiley face on your breast on your last day . And I said , oh , I'm really worried , it'll interfere with the radiation . And so I did a little cutout of construction paper and glued it to my breast and I told them at right before they were . I said , oh , you guys , something weird happened last night . I said I don't know if it's going to work anymore . There's something . And I you know they're getting me ready for the radiation . And they just cracked up and said oh we have never seen anything like this .

So I just , you know it made me feel good , and when you're feeling good it helps deal with things and I felt those guys are really helping me by being there every day doing their jobs . I wanted to kind of bring a smile to their face too . It was so fun .

What did you learn ?

about yourself during treatment and has it changed the way you show up on the court or in life at all ? Okay , yes , I think one of the things is just to be patient with myself and patience is a really big part of pickleball and I really struggle with that . So it's kind of brought me more aware of that . You know , sometimes you don't have to be hitting the ball as hard as you can . It's not always about that . Sometimes , just be patient , get the ball over and just with life , just get , take it easy . You don't have to rush through life , just day by day . Take it one day at a time and pick a ball is like that . You know the patience aspect of I'm trying to incorporate more .

I do struggle with that , but that's definitely something I've learned that patience , patients and what's going to be , what's going to be , you know . You know some days you're going to win , some days you're not going to win and that's okay . Same with life . I mean , some days are great , everything's going great , and the next day you got cancer . Who would have thought ? Not me , who would have thought ?

And Terry , you went on this journey as well , and caregivers often don't get the attention and support that the identified patient gets . I think you also received a lot of love and support from the community , but what was it like for you to see the love of your life going through this and being beside her ?

well , you know , of course it was , you know , worrisome by her hope she's okay , you know all those things , but I think one of the biggest parts of it is Emery's as strong as anybody I know Now her commitment and will and passion in taking this on and making sure that she did everything possible to get through it and shine through it like she did and then learn from it and go forward . So I admire her for that .

I know he's real . We admire her too . I hear your little . What's your cat's name ?

Our cat's name is Melvin Melvin . Melvin Melvin ,

Life Lessons from Pickleball

yes , he is the shyest cat . He's never around and , of course , he thinks that he has an opportunity to be famous .

And you know , here he is . Yes , he never had an opportunity before .

Yeah , he agrees with everything Terry was saying , that's kind of convenient .

I would like to say too , a lot of people reached out to Terry . Oh my gosh , yeah Texts from the pickleball community checking on him . You know how are you doing Because , like you said , sometimes the person that's providing the support is the one that's forgotten , and there were a number of people that have been some through something similar that definitely reached out . You know , I know what it's like . You know , let us know if you need anything .

So that was really awesome to have that community and you know we play pickleball together with all you , a lot of people so um , it's a big group of people and it's been spectacular do you find yourself playing differently , Terry , now that you've gone through the same journey ?

No , I don't see anything different .

You were always patient .

Okay , yes , he is a lot more patient than I am .

I approach it the same way . I think I said it before . You know , I like to win , I'm competitive , but at the same time I've learned a lot , to not take it so seriously .

Just like you were saying earlier , it's not a life and death situation . No , keep perspective .

Yes .

So , either off the court or on the court . What lessons have you learned ? About life From life from pickleball . Yes , either lessons you learned in life that you oh I better use that on the court . Kind of like what you said you learned patience , patience , correct , and so now you're more patient on the court . Kind of like what you said you learned patience , patience , correct , and so now you're more patient on the court too .

I'm trying to be more patient . There you go , I'm trying to be more patient .

Okay , no , maybe , so maybe so and or things that you thought , oh my gosh , this is a life lesson that I want to use in my life . That you actually kind of dawned on while you were playing the one I've got .

Okay , go ahead .

That's why you didn't think about it Is don't be afraid to ask for help , support , because it's there and people want to provide that because it not only would help me but it helps them as well . A lot of people are afraid to do that . Uh , they , you know they don't want to be vulnerable , they don't want to take that step . Luckily , with Pickleball especially , we didn't have I didn't have to ask for help and I don't think Amber did either . It was wham , it was there and I mean it was there . And you know tons and tons of help and love and support .

So you know , like I said , I'm part of basketball , I'm part of my family and you know of eight kids I know there's when we get together there's probably 80 or 90 direct . You know cousins and everything else , so it's rather large and not that everybody didn't reach out and ask that . But you know we're a thousand miles away from our closest relative and you know I consider a lot of people now family that you know we went through this so it's been great , it's been so good . I agree 100% with that . So you know and I a lot of times you can ask Amber , I don't ask for help . You know , especially if I'm doing something around the house or something with my hands ? No way , and so I need , I think , pickleball . In the support we got reinforced the need to do that and be vulnerable from there .

Yeah , pickleball in the support we got , reinforce the need to do that and be vulnerable from there . Yeah , really nice . And that may be one way you guys can start communicating on the court , like when you're feeling like , oh , my forehand isn't working today , you take the backhands , or my backhand is better now , so I'm going to , you know Well that last tournament we played in , I got a little angry , did you ?

I played , not on me , no , I was't mad at Terry , I was mad at just . You know , sometimes you get frustrated . Yeah , I felt angry , frustrated and I I lost the game . I mean , I hit the ball into the net , but Terry stayed constant . You know , he did it , he just tried to take over . The nice thing was we got an opportunity to play that same team again and I had calmed down and I had relaxed and I was , you know , okay , just take it easy , it's just a game and we have to beat him in the next game , which got us the bronze medal , so I know when I play with people who are have a calming sense .

it definitely helps me , and terry definitely is that he's definitely much more calm than I am Now . He can get frustrated with himself and angry , but he's very calm in general , where I'm a little bit more , not that way , and that's really helping me to . You know , just again trying to work on that patience part of it . Okay , just let the point play out . I don't have to win the point .

Oh , say that again . I think that I don't have to win the point . I say that again . I think that I don't have to win the point .

I , you , I want to . I want to do that . I so badly want to win , especially when I'm playing mixed doubles , because I want to prove to the men that I'm playing against , that I can play the game too , and that you can't . So some of that comes in with you know , woman empowerment . I want to show the man that , hey , I can do this , and I want to show him that I can win that point . Now I just like , okay , that's not necessary , just play the game and let the point come to you .

So that's what I'm working on and it's really I know I've been really trying to work on that .

I love that . Let the point come to you and your life lesson of patience huge that's correct .

And the other thing too is , you know , pick them all Ages . It doesn't matter what age you are , and that's what I love . Oh my gosh , all ages are out there playing . It's not just the 50-year-olds , it's everybody 20 , 80 . It's everybody's 20 , 80 . It's everybody's out there playing and I love seeing that .

Yeah , I was . I went to a court today is in Google , which is in Kirkland , washington , and there was a grandma and her two young grandsons playing .

It was just so fun to see that .

It just made me so happy to see how all ages can play together . We went to St .

George and played there with his brother-in-law and sister , and on those courts it was all ages . I mean , it was college people , it was people our age , it was older people , it was everybody . And that's the first time I really saw such a wide age range and it was a couple , two , three years ago and it was just great to see . It was just like , oh , that's so great . You know , I'm out here , they're out here , we're all out here doing the same thing , you know , and it was just fun .

Yeah , there just aren't very many opportunities for that to happen . Right , there are all the different ages , all the different backgrounds , all the different political shapes and sizes too .

You know , it doesn't matter if you have a brace on both knees . You know , don't underestimate them for sure . I'm just saying .

It will come back to bite you . If you do , it definitely comes back to bite you .

It will .

Which I love , that anybody can be out there playing . Anybody can go and do it . You just got to take the initial step onto the court , got to do it . Yep , just get on the court and you'll find out that there's so much support out there for everybody . You know , and I like to play with all range of abilities and I just all ages . I love it . I really enjoy that part of it too . Cause I like to meet new people , so that's fun for me .

Yes , and you can tell . I mean you guys always have fun on the court and you're fun to play with .

Relationship Advice for Pickleball Partners

You're just full of joy , yeah . So what advice do you give other couples who are playing , because it's not always easy . It sounds like you guys have kind of a secret sauce just in your relationship and that carries on the court . But a lot of people something comes out of them when they're on the court that well , at home they may not have any kind of issues , but when they're on the court something comes up and it's not easy for them to be partners . So do you have some insight ?

So to me , the number one that I've seen when we've played against other couples is one or two of the opposing team members will do and want to win so bad that it interferes with them being successful and being relationships . I mean , Emery is so good at trying to talk to people because she's so , has such a great personality and is very open . And for those people that are so competitive that they don't want to lose , they don't really engage or try to communicate .

They don't want to .

We don't run into that too often we don't , but I think that those are the ones that I see that you know it's not life or death , it's just a game . Be vulnerable and you're going to lose , right , you can't win at everything , and be aware of that , and so accept it , and accept it gracefully , and then you know , move on To me . The people that we've met , you know , even outside the ETC community and we still talk to , are those people with those types of relationships that they play and they play hard and they want to win , but that's not everything . That's not everything .

We've actually made friends with people in these tournaments that we keep in contact with and gone to dinner with or they've had over their house , and it's a great way to meet new people .

It's a great idea and it feels like it's what you two do in life you put your relationship first and everything else comes second . So it's about the relationship on the court more than it is about winning , and so as long as that's your priority .

Wow , very touching you guys . Just we were so excited to have you on this show . You two are just two of our favorites . You bring light and love and laughter . I mean , we're always laughing when we're together and thank you , Thank you , thank you for being on this show with us today and sharing your stories and you just got back from baling hay , right , terry ?

you just I just got back from harvesting , cutting wheat Harvesting , yeah Wow man . Bless your heart Thank you . Now I know why I left that and did something else . It only took five days and that was all it took .

It's hard work .

It's very hard work and my brother who operates the farm I give him all the credit in the world to do that day in and day out , or any farmer actually , so yeah .

Wow , well , yeah , thank you for being with us and thank you for being just who you are .

You're welcome .

Thank you . Thanks for the invite and also the opportunity to talk . Oh , you're welcome , thank you . Thanks for the invite and also the opportunity to talk .

Oh , our great pleasure and thank you all for being who you are . Thank you for joining us today on this show . If you're new , welcome to Life Lessons from Pickleball . And if you've been with us from the get-go , thank you and welcome back . Please subscribe , like share , and if you are playing pickleball with your partner in life , this episode is really important . Remember that the relationship matters more than anything else and have fun , so we'll look forward to a new conversation next week . Bye-bye , bye

Closing Thoughts and Gratitude

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If you love our podcast , we'd be so grateful if you'd take a few seconds to follow or subscribe to Life Lessons from Pickleball Bye and tap the follow button in the top right corner and on YouTube , click the subscribe button under any of the episodes . Thanks , so much Hope to see you on the court .